Seriously ---> ROFLMAO
Cheers [in tears from laughing],
Welcome to OrchidTalk Orchid Forums
The Friendliest Orchid Community on the Internet!
OrchidTalk - "Bringing People Together to Grow Orchids Better!"
Let us help you grow your Orchids better; Join our community today.
Register or Login now to remove this advertisement.
This is a discussion on An Orchid's Tale or Orchid Soap within the The Outback Terrace Bar forums, part of the Land Plants category; Comedy?!! A life and death drama, worthy of "As the Sepal Turns", and you call ...
Comedy?!! A life and death drama, worthy of "As the Sepal Turns", and you call it a comedy?! Doc Spock, I am surprised at you!
So when do we get to the hot orchid SEX? Huh?!
(Glad Diane noticed the hybrid lil ole lady caretaker! heehee)
Seriously ---> ROFLMAO
Cheers [in tears from laughing],
Slowly, their roots intertwined in the fresh media. Joey's spike trembled at the first touch. Ruby Hair Lip's scent seemed to grow stronger in the moonlight. They ignored the drunken snoring of the newcomer, and the snide whispers from the light shelf. She dropped her tresses, twining them around Joey's leaves. He could feel his pulse pounding in his column. Closer, Closer...
Chester watched malevolently from under the sofa. He still smoldered with anger but he was biding his time. Accused of knocking the orchid pots off the cart! Well, he couldn't very well make the woman understand the truth of what had happened, but, by George, he would have his revenge!
He had not grown fat on kitty stars alone. Over the years, his tastes had branched out. Yes, he did truly enjoy a snack of fresh orchid now and again. A spike tip here, a fresh leaf there. Tonight orchid buffet was on the menu. If he was going to get in trouble for it anyway, he might as well have the fun of actually doing the crime!
As Joey submerged in the intoxicating embrace, he still did not quite get over the beloved's damaged lip. He tried his best to put her back together, yet, Ruby Crooked-Lip was not quite as enthralling ...
His thoughts were wandering when a big shrieking thumping noise shook the various residents of the light shelves and tables ...
Chester after hiding awhile had found his moment, lunged toward Ruby Crooked Lip from under the sofa.
CHESTER!!! There you are! Oh my sweet iddy biddy kiddy. smooch smooch smooch. Time for your bath, my sweetums! Now you just wait right here while mummy draws your bath and waters the orchids. OH! How sweet! Look how mummy's other babies are getting along. Dusn't sweetums like mummy's orchids??? Naughty sweetums wouldn't hurt mummys orchids, would he??? Smooch, smooch. A low, gutteral growl came from Chester's sneering whiskered lips....
Joey, althought momentarily distracted, turned once again to Ruby Repaired Half Lip and stroked her quivering dorsal. Oh, my darling, my angel, my one true love, shall I.......?
"No!" Ruby somewhat-lipped gasped. "I'm hyperallergenic, and nitro intolerant. This won't work!"
"Huh????" Ruby watched Joey wilt before her very labellum. He had saved her and now she was rejecting him??? So it was true; she WAS too good for him. Sadly he drooped lower. From the corner of his welling eyes he saw Newcomer demurely lifting her bloom in his direction.
Stunned, Joey pulled away. How could it be? Then Ruby, realizing he had misunderstood, lisped out "The media, I can't bear this media, I'll die if I stay in this pot!" Joey's heart leapt for joy! She still loved him! But then his heart crashed to the bottom of his syn-sepal... she would die... he couldn't allow that.. The kindly caretaker hadn't been paying attention when she re-potted. Just then Joey spotted Chester prowling closer. An idea began to form.... yes, to sacrifice for her would be worth it. If only he could make the cat understand... He turned to Ruby, embracing her once again, and explained his plan. She was stunned by his offer, his love, his chivalry. Her tendrils curled tightly around him....
It was in the early morning hours when the kindly caretaker was awakened by another crash. Grumbling, she staggered out of bed and stumbled down the stairs. There, lying in a pile of debris, was Ruby Lips. She was shaken, and two leaves were damaged, but she was alive! But where was the cute little noid? He was such a handsome fellow? And the newcomer - where was she? A contented purring sound drew her attention under the sofa. There sat Chester, a bit of orchid bloom still stuck in his mouth, purring contentedly.
CHESTER! You bad kitty!! No kitty stars for you today!!
She turned back to the pile of debris, and carefully lifted Ruby Lips. She took her into the kitchen and proceeded to put her into a makeshift pot with moist sphag. She would get proper potting media for her when the stores opened. And perhaps some kitty grass for Chester.
The next day the kindly caretaker was shuffling along behind her microwave cart, carefully maneuvering so as not to spill a drop of the single malt on her bagpipes, when she stopped to examine Ruby Lips. "Strange, that is really strange" she murmured. "Why she's losing 2 flowers.. and they both look like they've been pollinated!!"
..." or they had been chewed on by Chester ..." ... "CHESTER!!! You are one naughty kitty!!!" ..." Where are you, Chester? Mummy got kitty stars for you!!!" ... grass kitty stars to be exact as she was thinking!
The kind lady tottered around looking for Chester, then she looked under the sofa. She was shocked when she saw her cute little NOID and the Newcomer. They have been there for days perhaps, probably hidden out of her sight, no doubt, the handy works of Chester, the naughty kitty. "Oh my good gracious!!!", the kind lady left out a sigh of relief, picked them up and examined poor Joey and the Newcomer. Joey's blossoms were gnawed on, his pseudobulbs got claw and fang scratches here and there. The Newcomer suffered similar fate but strangely, one of the Newcomer's torn flowers had wilted and was all brown! "Hmmm, I wonder what happened", the kind lady muttered and proceeded to repot her orchids. She put them back to the windowsill again after wartering copiously, in hope that they would recover from their harrowing ordeal.
There Joey was back to his favorite windowsill, bathing in the life-giving sunrays, wondering what the future might have in store for him. Meanwhile, the Newcomer felt like one of her flower stems sucking the Scottish sap of life out of her, and as if her seductive yet nightmare-inducing aroma was losing its potency!
Last edited by Hoa Tony Nguyen; February 5th, 2007 at 02:29 AM.