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"Only in America"

This is a discussion on "Only in America" within the The Outback Terrace Bar forums, part of the Land Plants category; ONLY IN AMERICA Wherever you go there you are Only in America......do drugstores make the ...

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  1. #1
    ABro's Avatar
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    Default "Only in America"

    ONLY IN AMERICA


    Wherever you go there you are
    Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

    Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in America ! ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

    Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

    Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

    Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

    EVER WONDER ....

    Why the sun lightens our hair,
    but darkens our skin ?

    Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

    Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

    Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
    Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

  2. #2
    Phyrex's Avatar
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    Absolutely hilarious, great post.

  3. #3
    Brutal_Dreamer's Avatar
    Brutal_Dreamer is online now Dreaming with my eyes open...
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    Very funny!

    Cheers,
    BD

  4. #4
    Tmai's Avatar
    Tmai is offline Ya'll are funnin' me!
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    Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a drive way?

    Why is "a bra" singular but we buy a "pair" of panties?

  5. #5
    Molly Taco's Avatar
    Molly Taco is offline Re-member WHAT ??
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    Why is there only one shoe in the side of the highway ???
    Cin

  6. #6
    Shaydra is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Molly Taco View Post
    Why is there only one shoe in the side of the highway ???
    Cin
    Because people stick one foot out the window... I'm surprised there aren't more feet in those shoes.

  7. #7
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    In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where
    their family member lay gravely ill.

    Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

    'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed
    the worried faces.
    'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

    It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only
    hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to
    pay for the brain yourselves.'
    The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a
    great length of time, someone asked, 'Well, how much does a brain cost?'
    The doctor quickly responded, ' $ 5,000 for a male brain, and
    $200 for a female brain.'

    The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile,
    avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A
    man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question
    everyone wanted to ask,
    'Why is the male brain so much more?'

    The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the
    entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to
    mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used.'



  8. #8
    JUDIUK is offline Senior Member
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    Good one Diane! Judi

  9. #9
    ABro's Avatar
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    That's some good stuff Diane!!!1 LOL

  10. #10
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    Default

    This whole thread made me smile.

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