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Thread: A message to pets

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  1. #1
    Favorite Orchid(s)
    whatever will bloom
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Michigan
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    Default A message to pets

    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

    Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

    (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.





  2. #2
    Real Name
    Cin
    Favorite Orchid(s)
    Catts
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    SW FL
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    Default

    Oh So True !!!!!
    Cin and the Rat

  3. #3
    Real Name
    Tim
    My Grow Area
    Porch/Patio.
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    Paphiopedilums
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    Jan 2005
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    Sydney, Australia
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    Default

    lol, i like the message for the visitors

  4. #4
    Real Name
    Bruce Brown
    My Grow Area
    Greenhouse
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    Cattleyas & Slippers
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    Mar 2003
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    Default

    The is great. I am sending a link of this thread to my 'pet-loving' friends. I especially love the note to the visitors too. hehehe... Nice.

    Cheers,
    BD

  5. #5
    My Grow Area
    Greenhouse
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    All types
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    Missouri
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    Default

    that is so funny especially the sign on the front door .. Very true

  6. #6
    Real Name
    Rebecca Luce
    My Grow Area
    Windowsill
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    Cattleya!!
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    Mar 2007
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    Chicago, IL
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    LOLOL at the selling their children part!! TOo funny!!!

  7. #7
    Real Name
    Tami
    My Grow Area
    Porch/Patio.
    Favorite Orchid(s)
    Catts and Vandas
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Pensacola, FL
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    Default

    TOOO FUNNY! Thanks for the laugh!

    tami

  8. #8
    Real Name
    Laurent Lambert
    My Grow Area
    Windowsill
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    Laelia & Encyclia
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Brooklyn, NY
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Becky15349 View Post
    LOLOL at the selling their children part!! TOo funny!!!
    I agree, this one line cracked me up!

  9. #9
    Real Name
    Rich Weise
    My Grow Area
    Under Lights
    Favorite Orchid(s)
    Cattleya & Den.
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    Male
    Location
    Columbus OH.
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    952
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    Default

    I like the part about getting hair on your clothes, 'Fur'-niture. lol So true. Very Funny,Take Care,Rich

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