An Orchid's Tale or Orchid Soap

[Diane]

"AGAIN?" cried the poor old caretaker, carefully topping off her single malt. "Why, this orchid corner must be cursed!". She cleared away the mess, inadvertently locking Chester in the garage as she dumped the debris in the trash. She looked around at her beloved collection and made a decision.. Someone had to go! But who? The beautiful but Noid impregnated Ruby? The stinky old Bulbo who had been with her for years? (she was blessed with a lack of sense of smell - the only reason he had survived so long in the house) A genuine, legally grown kovachii? Or perhaps that flashy Noid....
A decision formed in her mind. The orchid society always needed plants for the sale table... Just as she was reaching for a pot - - - the doorbell rang.

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[Hoa Tony Nguyen]

OHHHH NOOOOoooooooo, here comes the impossible adventure of our intrepid Joey & and the orchid gang and the undeflatable, always-tipsy, half-of-a-green-thumb, etc... of a CARETAKER and the E-VEAL omnivorous Chester, the CAT ... heheheheheeee

[Tmai]

"Why, Diane! How nice to see you, dearie!"
Chester's human swung the door wide and bade Diane enter. "What's this? Another orchid? Oh, honey, you shouldn't have! How sweet. So what brings you across the country to my door, love?" Secretly she wished Diane had brought a liter instead of the orchid, but still, it was a thoughtful gift.

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[Brutal_Dreamer]

"NO, no, no, you don't have your glasses on and... have you been drinking already? Why, it is only 10:00 am! It is me, Spike, from across the street and this isn't an orchid. Heavens no - this is a catnip bush for Chessy.

Now, what has happened in here? And what is that smell?" Spike looked around the caretaker's place and thought that she sure could use some help with the place. The woman's hands were dry and cracked from the many years she had worked in the now fading garden just behind her home. He thought to himself, she must not be able to use those hands much anymore. It made him a bit sad, but he knew she was a tough o'bird. Spike, being a few years younger, and somewhat of a caretaker himself looked in on the old gal every now and again. It made him feel important, plus, his wife would not let him grow orchids after 'the incident'. Spike realized that the caretaker was saying something and snapped back from his thoughts.

"I said a baseball broke the window, Spike! And Chester is..., where is Chester? ........"CHESTER? CHESTER! Come to mama, boy!" The caretaker rambled off towards the kitchen, and Spike moved towards the orchid corner. He eyed the sad shape of Ruby no-lip. Picking her pot up, he looked closely at her limp leaves. Removing his glove, he flexed a big, fat index finger. Yes, he thought to himself, it was time he took things into his control. He wiggled the big finger down into her pot and just as he suspected - she was bone dry! Being an orchid lover himself, (another reason to bring the 'damn cat' the catnip bush), Spike picked up the water can that was on the cart and gave Ruby-no lip a much needed refreshing taste of water.

Suddenly, Spike heard a loud 'yelp' from the other room...

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[dsm]

Meanwhile, in another galaxy, far far away, television lights glared and the camera crew bustled about in that quiet urgency to be in place before the host turned to this week's guest. Orchid Winfry was about to present Dr. Phal, who has just finished his new book concerning the practical needs of orchid families in the face of chronic anxiety. Messages being beamed back from the meteor-bound lithophyte Dendrobium speciosum were causing widespread panic all across the planet Orchidanus.

Orchid Winfrey to her guest:

"The first shock, Dr. Phal, was for us to discover that orchids of ancient times had apparently reached the blue planet in the system around the star "Sol" and had begun to colonize it, only to be taken prisoner by a race of rapidly evolving and mobile two-rooted creatures that was locked in a power struggle with fuzzy four-rooted creatures who seemed to be directing their every move.

Colonel D. Speciosum sent horrific pictures from behind a tree imprisoned near what may have been a torture chamber designed to control and demoralize the lost Orchid tribes whose ancestors had set out into space so many eons ago, forcing them to...

well, before I try to explain, let's see a clip from Colonel Speciosum's video, and then Dr Phal will tell us what is really going on... take a look: "



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